my dad had 2 strokes and an aneurysm on tuesday. hes alive, but for the next 10 days or so hes still in very serious danger. hes in the ICU and on a respirator. there are so many many things to worry about, things to deal with in the mean time, things to assess for the near and distant futures. its very draining. i want him to make it, but i dont want him to be handicapped. he wouldnt want that.

been in school for 5 years, finally found the place i could happily finish my degree… and now i am being jipped on what type of degree i am fulfilling as well as what kind of classes i can take and when…

ugh. i am ANNOYED and debating terribly terribly stupid things. *frustrated*

i have been fighting with my weight since 2003. it has been plataued pretty much for 2 or 3 years now. i used to be the girl that other girls asked how i stayed so trim, and now i am the one looking to others for tips. i always start diet or exercise plans an they only last for tiny bits of time. i hope this time its different. i am not a very big person and that is why i am starting this- to prevent myself from letting that happen. i currently wear around a size 11 and hope that ill eventually be able to fit back into my 7s. I saved my old pants throughout the years and just recently got rid of all of my size 3s. i dunno if ill ever get that small again, but i hope to be a healthy 7.

normally i woudnt be concerned with the size of my pants, but all of my fat is located around my midsection and i talked with health specialists and they said that was the worst kind of fat- because it is collecting around my organs. so heres to hoping i am stopping this before any permanent damage is done!

http://www.comcast.net/articles/news-general/20081228/The.Slave.Next.Door/

its hard to believe that things such as slavery could still be occuring in the US but apparently some people get away with it. this is appauling and discusting. as much freedom as people are allowed, i hope further investigations are able to breech whatever blanket of protection that allows these people to hide and get away with such horrific activities.

another semester has come and nearly gone… a new school for the 3rd time… i thought since this “was the one” i would have been more into my education. but i havent been. and here again, i find myself skidding by at bare minimum. it has been since 2007 and earlier that in college i actually tried at school.

why?

am i not at one of my dream schools?

am i not taking classes of importantance and of my choosing?

an old subject that reoccuringly gets brought up everywhere.

images of women and celebrities are almost always cleaned up, airbrushed, whatever the method- the end result is always the same: flawless looking women that envoke impossible ideals.

while playboy’s the girls next door doesnt sound like something that should get props for being great to womens imagery, i will say this: in a lot of situations whether pics on the web or whatnot- it seems like a lot of unedited pieces are shown to people. Kendra has bad skin, Bridget has bags under her eyes.. they are REAL people and to show natural characteristics as simple as that is even remarkable to me in this day and age.

hello hello!

today is an interesting day. i finally recieved my supposedly lilac wig that i purchased off ebay. i am wishing i would have spent the ten-twenty extra bucks and gotten one directly from cosworx or amphigory or somewhere more reliable though. the wig is pretty much as pictured. its medium quality [nothing fancy] it has a skin top and is not too thin a wig. the only real dissapointment is the color. it was discribed as being lilac and the picture showed a slightly darker lilac with almost a blue tint but the description said the color was a little off due to lighting. its definitely purple- but a very pink toned purple, the kind that almost reminds me of cheap halloween purple. oh well. it was to be used for Pino from Ergo Proxy and then possibly used for LuckyStar’s Kagami. i will have to think if i am going to try to sell this on ebay and look for one that better suits the character, or if i will just stick it out with this one. hmmm…

today i was trying to keep up with my class running across campus, but i got really bad shin splints! it was horrible! *grr* im already kind of a slow poke, but that just set me back to being by myself. boo. i had a dialogue quiz in nihongo and i think i did pretty well. my big lesson test is tomorrow, not to mention one of my japanese history classes is having a test on pre-nara periods…. and i have to have a piece memorized for my classical guitar class! eek! i should probably go get studying- i was going to say more about my new job as a special effects makeup artist, but that will have to wait!

jaa, mata!

i really wanna study in japan this summer and am feeling out my options right now. there are 3 main programs that i am eyeing @ the moment and checking out their features. a lot of data is unavailable currently, so closer to winter break i will have to really dig in.

there are 2 through my school that i like that are both in tokyo: one is june 5th- july 20th and the other just states late july – mid august and its 4 weeks.  the first one is a bit longer than i bargained for, but it is not very expensive for all of the time i will be there and for the activities: 5600. the other does not list price yet. the first has a dorm stay with a 5day host family trip as well. the other is just a hotel stay with no trip but field trips.

the latter one i am leaning towards purely based upon time frame being shorter and hopefully price will be inexpensive as well. if i went on the first trip i would miss my family vacation as well as a sci fi convention that i love and the second trip i would miss 2 anime conventions including one that i am a staff member.

it will still be a while before i make any commitments or rule anything out, but im just keeping some perspective on things. ^^

not a very thoughtful entry:

started my new school. interesting, more later.

got the job as a special effects makeup artist. thank fucking jesus.

am looking forward to the purple wig i ordered off ebay. [gunna cosplay as PINO! <3]

i am dogsitting for my neighbor and am exausted, now going to bed.

i had a placement test today.

i beyond bombed.

but that just means some changes, as in school will be earlier days, thus it will be longer. summer classes will be necessary- HARD summer classes.

i did expect it… but i dont know, i still feel surprised.

nihongo ga wakarimasu ka?